Here’s my take on it. Compiled by comments left on the NY Times page that succinctly put the words to my feelings. Commenter DR on the NYTimes page wrote, “Where to begin…. If these young women feel they have to be drunk to enjoy something- they’ll never be in control of their lives or careers. They’re basically a chew toy for the worst specimens of the male population and claiming that they like being a chew toy doesn’t change that.”
Sad thing is, rumor has it this is the same stuff that happens at my university so before you say its only at UPENN, no this experience probably summarizes the events happening across the frats and sororities across the country where young women are involved..
Folks romance and physical attraction are so exciting on their own that alcohol only dulls the experience. The process of a relationship is part of the experience of being a human being. Ups and downs, “romantic getaways, camping and hiking in the mountains, travel and discovering faraway places together, movie dates on rainy spring nights, late night talks in bed. Lots and lots of great sex. A dose of romance and real caring for each other. That thing called Love” (commenter from NYTimes page Sal).
You can’t just escape that by doing hookups, well you can, its just that down the road even though you may not remember their faces, it brings emotional problems later on in life. You can’t erase memories from your mind, especially your hasty decision to exchange your sexual experience for a demeaning, probably degrading one. Resorting to hook-ups to escape relationships only delays the inevitable. As one commenter, JSC put it:
“These women strike me as extremely shallow and self absorbed, even presumptuous, to think that you can hook up your way through undergrad and grad work and then just glide into the family thing, when you’ve created no predicate for, and have no real experience with, having a real relationship.
With this kind of emotionally stunted and undeveloped background, one can only imagine the familial dysfunction to follow.”
I think the root problem was identified by one of the commenters, dc lamber:
” drinking as the only way to escape the shallow competitive pressure they put on themselves . ”
and from the article itself which noted:
“As lengthy interviews over the school year with more than 60 women at Penn indicated, the discussion is playing out in the lives of a generation of women facing both broader opportunities and greater pressures than perhaps any before, both of which helped shape their views on sex and relationships in college.”
This is why having faith and believing in someone greater than yourself is important. Knowing you have someone to talk to when the pressures in life increase. The Bible says in the book of Matthew, chapter 11, verse 28: “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” And once again in the book of 1 Peter 5:7
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” When we open our hearts to Jesus Christ and ask Jesus for help and through prayer communicate our frustrations and pains, we allow our hearts to be at rest, knowing Jesus cares for us. We come to know our limits, our selves better and develop better coping mechanisms than hastily rationalizing more hookups.
To conclude, I wanted to end with a comment from a commenter named Moby over on the NYTimes page:
“If one equals sex with being drunk or stoned, stoned…. I have pity for America in 20 to 30 years from now when all those “elite” women will most likely face the big nothingness of their lives.
I wonder if the availability of porn via internet has an influence on their vision of sex : to define a satisfactory sex life as being first drunk, then done with it, looks much more like prostitution without the cash, ie going through the moves while missing the real point. Am I the only one finding more pleasure in making love rather than having sex ??
Happiness is an elusive pursuit, as countless of great minds over the centuries have written or filmed or talked about. To define it by the length of one’s resume, or the size of one’s bank account seems foolish at best from my point of view : at 58, I have long realized that the true treasures of life are of the human kind, starting with your partner, your kids, your friends.
What else matters ?
The old greeks said ” know thyself ” : it has never be truer than now for these women.”